Posts tagged thoughts
Last night, on a whim, I deactivated my Facebook account. I’ve been feeling pretty severed from my friends (what with my two best friends both moving out of town in a two-month span), and after going through my friends list and deleting at least 75 people, I got fed up and realized how superficial and creepy the whole system is… there are people that I’m “friends” with that I don’t even recognize, people I haven’t spoken to in several years, people that I only accepted out of guilt or obligation… ugh. Life is so weird these days.
Whatever. Just ignore me.
For the next week, I’m doing a smoothie fast to help myself quit smoking once and for all. Since I don’t want to be pooping frozen slush for the next week, however, I have established some rules:
- Drink at least 2 smoothies per day, each with some kind of superfood powder and/or protein powder.
- Drink at least 1 juice per day.
- Eat raw fruits and veggies.
- Drink more water than you ever have in your entire life.
Yesterday was the first day and I was a raging bitch. I was doing really well until about 3pm, when I misplaced my phone at work and was convinced that someone had stolen it. I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off for about 3-4 hours, threw a bitch fit, seriously contemplated quitting my job and on my way out of work I found it underneath some junk in my drawer.
Shame. So much shame. Shaaaaaaame.
Here we go, day two! haha
So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, comformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
I had to reblog this - these are my sentiments exactly. When I hear someone complaining about their job, acting like it’s the only one they’ll ever procure, it saddens me. People, you can make changes in your life - this is the beauty of free will. If you don’t like the direction you see your life heading, get out. This is one of the reasons I moved to Korea. Now, I’ll be returning to the States, with the freshest slate a 23-year-old could have.
I wish I could go back and things would be the same but they aren’t the same and neither am I. I don’t know how to move forward from here and reading and ruminating about my past makes my skin crawl and the backs of my eyes burn with tears of frustration because I don’t understand who that girl was that believed in all those things. I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to be free.
Nobody ever tells you how terrifying it is to love someone.
Some nights I’ll lie in bed and listen to my breathing, wondering when my last one will be. Occasionally my breath will sound jagged (thanks to a night of a heavy smoking) and I’ll picture a tumor growing in my lungs, slowly blackening the once young and healthy tissue deep within my chest. I imagine oxygen tanks and hospital beds, and his hand in mine. I try to wrap my mind around saying goodbye.
That’s when I begin to cry. I think about the mole on his back and panic- didn’t it look a little funny the last time I saw it? Wasn’t it a little discolored? I’ll quickly open up my laptop to Google “skin cancer” and as I scroll through page after page of cancer horror stories, my chest will begin to seize up and my heart will beat faster. What if it’s too late?
My hands begin to shake and I wonder if he’s on his way home from work, if he’ll make it back safely. I think of the millions of things that can go wrong on the road. My mind flashes images of broken glass, twisted metal and limp bodies strewn across a highway. I can now hear my heart pounding in my ears.
No one ever tells you how absolutely, mind-numbingly terrifying it is to be in love… How you want to cocoon yourself and your beloved in a bubble of pillows, sheets and blankets far away from anyone or anything that could ever possibly separate the two of you… How the idea of losing them is far more painful than anything you could ever imagine.
When did this happen? Somewhere between the first hello and our most recent phone conversation, my heart has become intertwined with his. I can’t separate the two; I don’t know where he ends or where I begin. All I know is: if he hurts, I do too.
I wish someone would have warned me.
I can’t wait for the day that you and I will come home from work and huddle together beneath our sheets and talk about our days and I will stoke your back as I listen to your heart beating slower and steadier until we both fall asleep and I’ll wake up in your arms and we’ll do it all over again the next day.
some of the asinine things that the Christian folks I know post on Facebook these days
make me want to reach through my computer screen and throttle their necks. I’m embarrassed to be lumped into the same category as some of them. On behalf of sane Christians everywhere: World, I am so very sorry.
hey starbucks kids:
you don’t actually love coffee and half of you don’t know the difference between coffee and espresso. moreover, you pronounce “espresso” with an “x”. but i digress…
what you really love is sugar, syrup and whipped cream. you like lots of milk and no substance, and you’d rather guzzle down an automatically-tamped (you don’t know what that means, either) shot drowned in artificial flavors and your stupid 20oz of skim milk than savor the nuances of a hand-tamped shot pulled at just the right amount of time.
stop saying you love coffee, for you neither understand nor appreciate coffee. so just shut. up.
has been marred by the fact that I have experienced what can only be described roughly as a five-hour anxiety attack. My hands won’t stop shaking, my heart won’t stop pounding, and my mind won’t stop playing out the worst possible life scenarios over and over and over and over again. I think I might be losing it.
not sure what I hate more:
- calling insurance companies and shamefully telling them about my non-existent credit history
- having them call me back and recite numbers, rates and terms that I don’t understand
- hearing monthly costs that far exceed my budget
- trying to figure out how to get a credit card without ruining my life
Being an “adult” sucks. I feel so defeated right now. Can we go back to one hour ago when I was just excited about having a sewing machine??
If you’ve ever though that Mark Driscoll was a valid leader in the church,
please just read this article.
Disclaimer: Go ahead, have strange worldviews as a believer. Fight through the Word and modern day and Biblical times, wrestle with God about what’s right and wrong. It’s okay to be human. But if you’re PASTORING A CHURCH and INSTRUCTING YOUNG DISCIPLES and the things you’re believing, teaching and instructing are COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY UN-BIBLICAL (see: “God doesn’t just hate what you do, He hates who you are”), YOU NEED TO STEP OFF THAT PODIUM AND LET SOMEONE ELSE DO THE LEADING BECAUSE YOU ARE SIMPLY NOT EQUIPPED TO SHEPHERD A FLOCK.
Also: Do I believe in Christians fighting Christians over non-essentials? Nope. However, this is NOT a non-essential issue in the church. To pastor a church and have views that are totally opposite of what the Bible says on men, women, relationships, hell, God’s grace and the purpose and meaning of the cross means that you’re leading hundreds and thousands of people astray. And as a believer, I do NOT approve of what this man is teaching. Moreover, I would say that if you agree with the teachings of Mark Driscoll, that you are not believing the true Word of God.
Another disclaimer: This is not the only ridiculous, un-Biblical, completely mind-blowingly inaccurate thing that Mark Driscoll has ever said. Here are a few more, in case you’re wanting to fight me on this:
Driscoll punches himself in the face five times, as a display of a Godly man who is manly. (I wish I were joking)
Driscoll tells us about how blatantly satanic Avatar is. (Dude, CHILL)
Driscoll tells his congregation that God not only hates what they do, but that He hates who they are. (This one takes the cake- grace, anyone?)
Driscoll is cray-cray. (Read those links, yo)
Do I leave a stable barista job that I’m comfortable with, but doesn’t give me as much money/hours as I would like… and replace it with another barista job that will pay me more and promises more hours, but with little-no knowledge of the company and the people I will be working for/with? I desire change and new experiences but I don’t want to throw away a good thing, either.
I am caught between a rock and hard place and I don’t know what to do right now.
All I’ve ever wanted to do is travel, and I’m starting to feel like I’m wasting my time.
while watching a marathon of Dexter: Season 6
Me: Ironically, watching all of these episodes makes me really want to go to the beach…
Brian: Well, we can go to the beach and I’ll kidnap a homeless guy and we can murder him when it gets warmer. Your birthday will be here before you know it.
Best friends forever.